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13 Dec 2000
Hello Fellow Khmers. First my apologies to all the people my book has unintentionally hurt. That was never its intention. I don't usually respond to any comments about my book. But after reading a few comments/reviews, I want to say that I am very sorry you were hurt by my book. I am very sorry the Khmer Rouge hurt all of us. I am very sad that my book have caused more pain to people who have already been through so much. Though the comments were painful for me to read, what I received from it far outweighs the hurt I feel. From your comments and website contents, I sense an overwhelming pride, love, care, commitment and devotion to Cambodia. I am proud of the Khmer Institute for their superb work and for not forgetting our native country. I've always stated that though America is my home now, Cambodia will always be my heart and my soul. The Khmer Institute's website makes clear that you feel this same way about Cambodia as well. My brother, sister, grandmother (!), uncles, aunts, cousins and my parents' spirit are all in Cambodia. I have very few relatives in the U.S. Thus by helping Cambodia, you are all helping my family as well. I thank you and to wish you peace and happiness in your life. When I decided to write my book from a child's point of view, and in the present tense, I knew a lot of people would be displeased. A child who grew up with her affluent Chinese family do have certain biases, internal racism and other 'isms' and views on life that may not be the story of the general population. However, writing my book from a child's point of view was the most powerful way for me to tell my story. A child's point of view means that at times the story is shallow, misleading, overly dramatic, and larger than life, as all children tend to be. When I was writing my book, I kept in mind one of favorite book of all time, "To Kill A Mockingbird". In this book, the main character was a 6 year old girl name Scout who spoke like a 40 year old man, with a very smart adult's intelligence, eloquence, analytical and grammatical skills and ability to piece the puzzles together to form a big picture of life. I was not that child. For me to correct, fix, add research, historical references, and other adult knowledge to the misinformation in my book meant that I had to step out of the child's shoes to do so. I didn't want to do that. As a child, I was neither smart, clear sighted, nor did I have the intelligence to reason or question my surroundings. I believed what I was told. I wrote about my childhood that was filled with all the wrongs, rights, racism, ageism, hate, etc.. But that was 1975 and to assume that I am the same now is wrong. I admit to my own and my family's internal racism and other "isms" in Cambodia in 1975. And to be totally honest, there's still internal "isms" (race, age, sex..etc..) at my home now. My brother would not be happy if I was to date a fifty-year-old, African-American woman (since I am heterosexual). Again, this is not my view. And these "isms" exists in every parts of the world.... But that doesn't mean I condone it or accept it now even if I accepted it as a child. Who, among us, at age 5, questioned what we're told about our environment, upbringing, our family, and society? However, at no point in my book did I say Khmer people are not beautiful, smart, strong, spiritual... my father was Khmer and he was my everything. In the 9 times I've been to Cambodia so far, with two more trips planned for 2001, my admiration continue to grows for the Khmer people for their strength, business resourcefulness, resiliency, and beauty. Also, my book was not written as a historical reference but a memoir, a starting point for people to begin. I'd hoped that once people have read it, they would be inspired to want to know more about Cambodia, thus the resource page in the back of the book. How people choose to read it, dissect it, attack or support it is nothing I can control nor do I wish to. As for the question of my seeking fame and fortune, I have neither. Everyday, I get up to put in way too many hours in my office, on planes, trains, and automobiles for the Campaign for a Landmine Free, a non profit organization for which I am a spokesperson. In the past two years, I've traveled to over 60 universities and colleges and given over 100 talks about landmines to raise money for a program in Cambodia that makes plastic arms and legs for victims of landmines. In my free time, I talk to members of congress, the press and anybody who's willing to listen about helping Cambodia. I don't get paid much, I have very little personal time and am always disoriented from all the travels. But I do it all because I stole rice from my family and from a dying old woman. I have a lot of guilt to make amends for and now it seems, I am feeling guilty about hurting people with my book as well. I feel pain for those who were hurt by my book for it is truly not my intention to do this. I am also hurt by the personal attacks and my heart breaks when my little Cambodian nieces read them on Camnews. It hurts them. Please don't forget that I too lost my family to brutal murders and was forced to separate from my surviving siblings, and my little nieces and nephews will never meet their grandparents. I guess for me what hurts the most are the accusations that I am doing this for my own selfishness. I can choose to live a different life, an easier life, one with more money and leisure time to spend with friends and family. Maybe next year I will choose that easier life. But for now, Cambodia needs us all to help her, you, me, and the people who disagree with us. There are many people in this world who doesn't give a darn about Cambodia and what happens to it now, in the past or in the future. Those of us that do care should band together and do what we can for our motherland. Finally, again my apologies if my book caused you pain. I harbor no anger against my nay sayers for I know it's not me that made you suffer, that killed your family, that caused you to have nightmares. My anger is directed at the war and the Khmer Rouge soldiers. If I have one wish, I would trade in all my "supposedly" fame, fortune, youth, job, all that I have to have my family back or to just spend one more day with them. I hate the war! It took so much from all of us! I for one will not let the war take anymore from me. Thank you for allowing me to have my say. Again, I wish peace and happiness for my fellow Khmer everywhere. My thanks and best wishes for continue success to the Khmer Institute. Loung Ung ------------------- To the directors of KI. I am sorry but I will not answer questions from your readers and will make no further statements regarding the comments and reviews on my book. My many apologies as my schedule is very, very tight and I am often traveling or out of the country. I have also received over 1000 letters from readers from all over the world and am not in a position to answer them at the moment. Thank you for understanding. Loung
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